It is not easy to lose your pet

How do you even begin to put into words the emotions you feel after you have lost one of your pets?... There are no words to describe it... In 1969, a notion began that there are 5 stages of grief and loss (1-denial and isolation, 2-anger, 3-bargaining, 4-depression and 5-acceptance)... 

There are still some folks around that believe you cannot hurt "as much" when you lose a pet as when you lose a person... To me, "loved one" may walk on 2 legs or 4 paws, but they are still loved ones to me... And while I don't necessarily subscribe to 5 stages school of thought, I am intelligent enough to know that not everyone handles loss and grief the same way whether it is a human or animal loss in their life...

In 58 years of life on this planet Earth, I have lost good dogs... And a few, GREAT dogs... I feel that I deal with death of dogs in probably a pretty balanced sense... I understand that it is the circle of life, and that sometimes it is best for Nature to take its own course... Overall, I am a pretty private person when it comes to grieving (or at least I try to be)... 

There is not much anyone can say, right?... "So sorry for your loss" is about the best anyone can do... And I am pretty sure only time, and not words, heal better... 

There are some startling images I have had of death that no matter how many years pass, the shock of it can still cause me nausea if I think and remember it... But for the most part?... Unless it is dead and gross (i.e. ants, flies, etc.), I am pretty good about handling death physically - it is the heart-part that can kick me to my knees (emotionally)...

Back in May, my Coconut developed an issue with one of her eyes and as she was only 11 years old, I opted to have it removed to save her life... The second eye started giving her problems and the past months, I have seen her slowly starting to go downhill... 

We discovered she had congestive heart failure going on as well, so while our vet and I did everything possible to create a reverse in the overall decline of her health, it continued to deteriorate... 

The past two or three weeks I had been questioning myself as to if I was trying to keep Coconut alive for me, or if I was being fair to her... Once the quality of life is no longer good, let alone great, I feel we are doing a disservice to these gentle creatures that bless our lives for just a small portion of our time on Earth... Needless to say, I was not ready to let her go... 

I kept looking for that little spunk, tail up and 'Kibbles and Bits' run (even if only at 4 pounds) that I loved so much... Any sign, Lord... Just give me something to hold onto and know that I am doing right by this pudge-muffin of coconut creme... 

Coconut passed away in her sleep on Sunday afternoon, surrounded by her buds and loved ones at home... I did not have to make the decision as the Lord decided to make it for me... Maybe He knew that I did not (yet) have the heart to make it on my own without His help... 

I do not offer anyone any advice or suggestions for dealing with the loss of one of their beloved pets... I too am still trying to figure out the best way to prepare myself to handle the loss better... I have had great pets die suddenly and then some, like Coconut, wither away slowly... Neither time frame is easy for me to accept readily.... 

I have recovered both ways... I have waited a LONG time before letting my heart open to another dog (and was in borderline depression now when I look back) and I have immediately gone and redirected my grief into a more positive form of energy by fostering puppies or another dog... Having done it both ways, I can say that the latter is better than the former...  There is something about that redirection that made the grieving process easier for me to get through, but that's just me...

I personally don't believe I am disloyal to my dog by redirecting my energy... And I also don't believe my great dog(s) would want me to be sad and alone either... You can't replace one dog lost with another one (even if they look somewhat alike) and it is not fair (in my opinion) to expect a different dog to do this for you either... 

As I said, I cannot offer anyone suggestions or advice... The very most I can do is to share my thoughts and hope they help someone who is going through the same things in their life... As for the 5 steps?... I've done #1 already and could not share my loss immediately with anyone... I am not angry (just very sad) and miss that adorable little girl and her cutest ever mini-run... There is no bargaining going on, 'cause I know she is across the Rainbow Bridge and waiting for me... I am probably still working through #4 and am not at #5 yet... Until I have to close my eyes physically to remember her, her sweet kisses, how excited she'd get when I come home and jump around plus that mini-run, I won't be able to say I have achieved the last stage of loss and grief... 

But tomorrow is another day and with each day, time does it's magic.